Thought for the Day - BBC Radio Kent Sunday programme
18/8/2019 Archdeacon Julie COnalty
Listen here: (1hr 55mins 36s in)
I have been thinking about the concept of shame this week. I don’t mean the shaming of others for how they look or how they have acted; I mean the sort of shame that we all should feel at some point in our lives for something we have done wrong – either as individuals or collectively.
It seems to me that too often shame is projected onto the wrong person or group and is not owned by those to whom it rightfully belongs. So, for example survivors of abuse often experience a sense of shame while their abusers rarely own it.
Shame can of course be incredibly destructive. It can eat away at us – particularly if we hold it inside of ourselves, never talking about it. Very often the process of being released from shame only starts when we break the silence – only then does a process of healing begin.
As a Christian minister, I bring a particular faith perspective into my musings (or at least I should do!). So, I have been doing some thinking specifically about shame and the church. And I have been left wondering if too often, when we have failed, we refuse to acknowledge and own the shame that we as an institution should be feeling.
Sometimes we do this intentionally because we care too much about our reputation. Sometimes though, I think we deny shame because we have a remedy for it, knowing, as we do, that there is forgiveness and that God’s grace is immeasurable.
But shame is important. Shame is where we need to sit for a while when we have sinned – penitent, lamenting the harm we have done or the good we have failed to do. We must not project the shame that is rightly ours onto other people instead of owning it; nor should we deny it and hide it. Our shame should motivate us to change, it should lead us into repentance (which is so much more than just saying sorry – it is also an active turning away from sin, a commitment to doing things differently…. to making amends…to justice and to righteousness).
I know this is heavy stuff this early on a Sunday morning but there is no route to spiritual health that involves denial of our failings. The good news is that God is indeed more merciful than we could ever deserve or even imagine.